tadashiwashere | IC Contact

[ It's been a while since he's heard from him. And really, he's been more concentrated on doing things like, you know. Surviving lately. But that's not deterred him enough from entirely ignoring the others. He still worries about them. Still wonders here and there how they're doing. Although it's not until a mix of events that leads Zack to be reminded that he hasn't personally spoken to Tadashi in a while. So, might as well catch up with him. ]

So, I heard your brother's in town. [ Right front and center. ]

[Tadashi is surprised by the familiar voice. He hasn't spoken to Zack in a while now due to his habit of avoiding the Network and only using his tablet when it's necessary. Instantly, he regrets not keeping in touch better. Somehow, he needs to find a way to get past his paranoia of the tablets in order to not sacrifice his connection with the others stranded in this place.

When Tadashi clicks his audio on, there's a sudden rattling in the background and it sounds like the tablet drops to the floor for a moment. There's a brief spell where he doesn't say anything, but then comes the scrape of the tablet being scooped up again.]

Hey, yeah...

[Is that some complicated feelings in his tone? Sure is.]

I just spoke with him. He's really here. I... don't know for sure what house he's in. Yet.

[The yet is important.]

[ There's a wince on this end as he hears the tablet crash against the floor and for a moment, Zack's heart goes racing. But then he hears the soft scuffle of hands picking it back up and lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Good. Tadashi's...

Well. Not necessarily okay, okay. But... alive. And not being in the middle of a monster mash. And... apparently got startled by him. And apparently, Tadashi's already worried as it is. Well... shit.

Another deep breath. It's kinda just as he was afraid it'd be. ]

You need a hand with that? I know we were planning to check out the morgue, but... [ He can understand changing priorities. If someone he knew ended up there, someone who couldn't protect themselves... ]

I couldn't ask you to do that...

[The but is almost audible as Tadashi allows the sentence to dangle, agonizing over whether he has any right to pull anyone away from what they're doing to help him. He doesn't know for sure where Hiro is, and it's dangerous to search the frozen town. More so now with the introduction of the creatures.

Finally, though, he can't stop himself from breathing a single, pained sentence:]

He's only fourteen.

[A fourteen year old who knows how smart he is, but has never been anywhere like this. A fourteen year old who's overconfident and brushes shoulders with danger in familiar territory too often.]

[ Tadashi, if you were looking to argue against any help from Zack, you already lost the moment you opened your mouth and admitted how worried you were. But... the mention of that age...

A kid. A kid in the middle of this snow hell. And from what he remembers, Tadashi's no more native to the snow than Zack, himself, is which makes it even worse. And that was before those things started showing up in droves compared to how quiet things were before. ]

All the more reason to take a detour. [ He says it plainly yet there's something solid behind it. He's not taking 'No' for an answer at this point. ] You don't have to ask me. I've already decided.

[There's a mixture of guilt and relief at the finality in Zack's answer. Relief is the stronger emotion in the end. As much as Tadashi doesn't want to risk anyone, this is his brother. He's spent the past month here reminding himself that at least Hiro is safe back at home, but now he's here. Right after things have taken a turn from bad to worse.

Still, there's a beat of reluctance. Then:]

Thanks... thank you. You don't have to do this, but I really appreciate it.

Heh. Don't worry so much. [ But the thing is, Tadashi. They're already all at risk anyway. This is really no different than him traveling as he has been with Lancer. But that's not even really the baseline here. No, the truth is... ]

Wouldn't be much of a... [ There's a pause as he seems to reconsider his words. ] There's a man I once knew who used to tell me how important it was to protect my honor. I didn't understand it back then, much as I thought I did. But now, well. [ There's an aimless shrug on his side. ] I think what he meant was to do the right thing, no matter what. Even if it wasn't the easy thing to do.

[Tadashi considers that for a moment, smiling slightly (though Zack can't see it, he can probably hear it in his voice when Tadashi speaks again) before hitting the audio key again.]

You know... I think we actually think a lot alike.

[Even if he is still concerned about what's going to happen in the next few days, it is sort of reassuring to know that there's at least one more person here who believes that someone has to help. If they have enough people like Zack around, everything will be fine in the end.]

[ Yes, he can hear it. And it's a relief, honestly. Especially after all the stress and anxiety that he's sure a lotta people have been feeling with the discover of jump scares.

Enough that there's a mild bit of warmth in his own tone at that. Fellow believer, huh? Yeah, they could definitely use more of those. ]

Heh. Oh? Why'd you say that?

Just something my mom told me. Dad was a doctor and always running off for emergency calls. I would get so mad about it.

[Now, he can't really imagine being angry with his dad. All of the memories except for the last ones are warm and precious. He would relive any of them if the option was available.]

One time she sat me down and told me that someone has to help. If we waited for someone else to help instead of us, help might not go to where it's needed. It stuck with me, you know?

[ Admittedly, the mention of doctors makes Zack automatically flinch. But no, it's not those kind of doctors. Not the science department sort that makes him think of the green of mako and the cold, calculating eyes and scalpels.

No, these doctors aren't ones of science but ones of well being. They sound warmer. Kinder. Someone has to help. Someone has to help before no one does and things get worse. Before the worst case scenario happens and there's no going back. Wary as he might be of anyone helping him with any kind of medical instruments now, he can understand that context at least. Can understand the importance of it in Tadashi's tone. Gets the parallel. And his voice warms at it. ]

I could... see why it would. Sure, you would've liked to have that time with your pop and I'm sure he woulda wanted it with you, too. But sometimes duty calls and if you know you can do something about it, well. Why wouldn't you?

[Those are Tadashi's sentiments exactly. Even if there's still a small sting of regret that he can't have those extra hours back, here and there, when his dad was needed at work. Like everyone said it would, the pain and the regret are fading with the years, but nothing ever seems to diminish that longing. It makes those memories more bittersweet.]

Exactly.

[He wants to say more, but he simply doesn't have the words. In the end, he just appreciates that there are people like Zack around. Or, more precisely, that Zack is around. They don't know each other very well, but anyone who volunteers to help Tadashi find Hiro earns a permanent feeling of respect and appreciation.]

I.. think it's almost safe for me to leave. First thing tomorrow, if not tonight. Do you know where the convenience store is? I'm going to retrace my steps east and then north.

[ He might not have much else to say in that regard, but that's alright. Sometimes there's not much more else to say. Perhaps a surprise that he of all people would understand that, but well... The years have seen to change him in a lot of ways. For better or worse.

All the same, they're back to get talk shortly after. Or more, current dilemma talk. And Zack nods at that. ]

I've been to one of them. But if you're heading east, I'm guessing that's the other one I've heard about. Me and Lancer were going to head there next anyway. You close to the morgue? I know you all were headed this way before.

I'm not sure how far from the morgue we are, [Tadashi admits.]

[Until this point, he's been simply traveling with everyone and preparing to help search for Steph's friend. He hasn't asked how many more days it might take since how far they travel always depends so heavily on the weather conditions that day and when they come across shelter.]

It's only been about four or five days since we left the store. All I know is that it's somewhere to the north west of the vet. I have no idea how far, though. I've only been able to keep a vague sense of direction out here.

Where's the vet close to? Is it anywhere by the school? [ He's pretty familiar with that area now at least. So, if it's around there... well, that would definitely help. Not sure how far they are from the morgue on the other hand... really doesn't. But he figures Tadashi won't be alone in this at least.

...Right? ]

[ What do you say to a man doomed to die? He didn't know back when he lost Angeal. And he finds he still doesn't know to this day. There really aren't any proper words to say. Nothing makes it better. Nothing makes it right. Nothing changes facts. Before the end of the night, Tadashi will be gone. And there's nothing he can do.

Believe it. He's tried.

And failed. Again. Angeal... Is him and saving people just something... not ever in the cards? Heh. It's pitiful, really. Again, there he is thinking of his late mentor and looking to his guidance when...

But still, he's sat there numbly... So numbly by the door a ways from Hiro and the others. Tired. So tired from trying so freaking hard and coming up from the surface shaky and shivering. In the end, all that slamming and ramming had amounted to nothing. And that was even between two former SOLDIERs put together!

It's only when Hiro ends his conversation with Tadashi that Zack takes to slowly rising to his own feet. His weary body somehow makes it to the little side room where he collapses against the far wall and shuffles through his pocket, dropping his tablet out of it rather than pulling it up. After a few more clatters as he tries and fails to pick it up, he finally gets a decent enough grip on it.

Stares at it numbly.

Then starts scrolling through handles...

Another long stare and he taps the name and video feature. And there's Zack, looking... haggard, really. Though it's hard to see much of him in the dark. Mostly eyes. Wincing eyes. 'I fucked up and I'm sorry' ones. He doesn't even know if he'll get this, but he's... ] ...Tadashi? It's- me, I'm-... It's Zack. [ He voices it carefully, articulating each word. It's like him and Cloud all over again. He can only imagine how the cold's already likely affecting his system. If it hasn't already...

He feels sick to his stomach just thinking about it. Worse than a Malboro's bad breath. Far worse. ]

[It takes a long moment for a reply to come across Zack's screen. Tadashi has moved -- wanting to get away from the door and to somewhere that Hiro won't be the first person to find him. After sitting for so long talking to his brother, he's too cold to really make it far, and in the end he's only made it around to the back of the structure. He's pressed up close to the wall, shivering violently against the cold wind when he sees Zack's message. But it doesn't register at first that it needs a reply. Finally, slowly, the realization hits him and he stabs numbly at his screen several times before the video icon lights up.

It takes him another minute of confused shuffling before the light of the screen reveals his face. He puts the tablet on his knees when his hands shake too hard to keep anything steady.]

Zack... I'm sorry. I... you were calling me? Sorry. [His train of thought isn't all there, but Tadashi seems to realize that and shakes his head.] Is Hiro....?

[ In that long moment, he... Zack can't help but think the worst. But hang his head in front of his tablet. But feel the sting in his eyes, feel the sinking in his chest couple with a tightness that--

snaps into incredulous shock momentarily when he hears that familiar voice. When he looks up with huge eyes to catch sight of- ] Tada-! [ Too late, he realizes he's being too loud and cuts himself off for risk of alerting Hiro and... and it had already been bad enough with the kid having to end that conversation just moments ago. Zack's eyes quickly go from wide to wincing as his shoulders slump one second- then stiffen again. ] Here -In the other room. The others- they're with him..

[ Safe. Not well- a prying ear here either. If there's anything Tadashi wants to say without the kid as his audience, this is his chance. Not that that's anything on Zack's mind. He's... His voice comes out with a hoarse edge. ] I'm sorry- The door- I... [ He can't even finish that thought. Can't isn't something he feels should be in his vocabulary here. He should be able to. He has to be. He's supposed to be protecting them. On his honor, his word, as SOLDIER. It's his ideal he's set himself to live up to.

And there he is realizing this night all over again- he can't even do that for Tadashi right then. He can't save him. ]

[Despite his shaking, Tadashi still offers a weak smile -- has the audacity to look guilty in the way he looks down, the glances back up at the other man -- at his friend -- from underneath the baseball cap. He brings a shaking hand up to press agains the lower half of his face, obscuring his expression for a moment before he's forced to tuck his hands into his armpits for what little warmth he has left.]

It was my fault. I stopped. If I hadn't hesitated at the door, we wouldn't have this problem.

["Problem". Like it was just some minor speed bump that they would rocket past soon enough.

Even knowing how many people have been revived, Tadashi has a certainty that he can't explain -- an expectation that when he closes his eyes tonight, he's not going to be opening them again. It's such an unquantifiable idea to him that he isn't even able to feel properly terrified at the aspect.

He gives his head a slow, labored shake.]

Don't let anyone blame anybody else. Things happen.

[Like collapsed buildings... growing up without parents... fires...

"Things".]

I need.... I...

[He frowns, trying hard to focus. He's just so tired.]

Can you promise me something?

[ The guilty expression playing on the other man's face that he obscures only further reinforces the fact that in this very real and dire situation, Zack failed.

Again.

It wasn't supposed to be this way and yet he'd let it happen. Let it happen when if anyone should have been out there, it should have been him. And that thought alone gets him... slowly shaking his head with a grim hint of a smile. Idiot. Blaming yourself like that. He'll never blame him. No, he'll take the blame on himself. Carry it like he's carried the rest. All those past failures. Another to add to them. Couldn't save Angeal. Couldn't recapture Hollander. Couldn't stop Sephiroth's descent to madness. Couldn't stop Sephiroth, himself, without Cloud. Couldn't get them out of that lab. Couldn't, Couldn't, Couldn't. And now Tadashi...

But he won't look away. He'll refuse. Just like with Angeal. Even if he's fighting that charge of emotions bubbling up. He moves his lips to say something- pauses. And in that pause Tadashi, himself, starts, so he stops. Stops and listens.

Stops... and feels the finality in that request sinking in him like a heavy stone. Recovers with a hard swallow. But he'll give him this. It's... all he can give. And that might be way he even struggles to attempt a play off his usual composure, feeble as it is. At least that confidence he can play up just for this moment... even if he doesn't feel so confident at all.

But he pushes to smile just a tinge, eyes lingering on the man's face. His voice remains rocky as he speaks. ] Of course. [ He gestures with a shaking fist knocking on his chest. ] On my honor. As SOLDIER...

[ Everyone knows the old cliche about life playing out before you in a flash. For Tadashi, it's just disjointed feelings and regrets. Everything comes at him in a confusing rush -- the pain of losing his parents held up as a point of reference for how he imagines his brother is going to feel. A brief, disproportionately overwhelming feeling of loss a the thought of never having another pizza night with Fred. Flickering images of his stronger memories with his brother over the years... snatching him up from a street gang in a back alley...

Tadashi takes an unsteady breath, mounting weariness and confusion making it difficult to put his feelings into word. But they're strong. Strong, and backed by a terrible fear that if he doesn't manage to tell someone, he's utterly failing one of the only family members he has left.]

Keep him safe. Whatever it takes... just... make sure Hiro gets home.

[Those words are a struggle, and he trips over the words. Long thoughts are blending together in hazy confusion, but he clings to consciousness -- waiting for Zack to agree, his expression set in determination.

Give him this, Zack. Let him know that even if he's not there, Hiro will be taken care of.]

[ Zack's not blind. He can see the change. It's too drastic to miss. Tadashi's out of it- likely won't last much longer at this rate. And Zack, himself, has to do his best to just contain himself in those last moments and see through to this promise. See through that if he can't save him, that he can at least give him a sense of peace. A sense of closure in this.

A closure... of a request he's not surprised comes from him. Even if he has to bite his lip a moment. Even if his eyes are stinging and he's blinking hard at those words. That finality.

But he- ] Whatever it takes... I promise. [ His voice cracks partway through that last word... but he pushes through. Pushes with a small prod. A choked something- was that supposed to be a laugh? -in between before: ] Some- ...Someone has to help- right?

Edited 2015-10-03 00:32 (UTC)

Thank you... so much. Zack. I'm glad...

[Tadashi's mouth forms a ghost of a smile. It's exactly what he needs to hear -- Zack echoing words that Tadashi has thought so many times before. Always, he's thought that he could make a difference in the world and find a way to keep people going. Now, he thinks that all along he's just been a starting man. Just a tiny shove of help that others will need to follow up. Hiro and Zack are the people who are going to make it through this and change the world.

He knows it. Zack won't let him down.]

Glad we're friends, okay?

[Slowly, he lifts one fist, trying to hold it out to the screen for a fist bump. Trying to make light of this one final thing -- just for an instant.

But the tablet slips. Or maybe Tadashi does.

The end results is the video feed showing nothing but the inky darkness of the sky. Fluffy clusters of snowflakes drift down towards the camera, landing and melting on the warmness of the video screen. There's no more word from Tadashi.

Just the unnatural stillness of another night in Norfinbury.]

Hey, Tadashi. Testing a theory out.

I don't know if you'll ever read this, but it would be nice to hear from you again.

Edited 2015-12-02 01:30 (UTC)

[ At first, there's nothing. Silent as the morgue he sits in. But just when the quiet feels awkwardly long, a familiar voice speaks up. ]

Tadashi... It's me.

I... heh. What am I doin- [ It cuts off abruptly there. ]

[ A few minutes later, another message pops up. ]

...Look. Tadashi... I just- I'm sorry. I... couldn't keep my promise in the end. Guess- Freya was right. [ There's another long pause. Just quiet breath. But just when it seems like that's where things will end... ]

...But Tadashi, listen. About your brother... I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for him. You said someone had to help. I just... didn't ever think I'd ever be the one who needed it.

So, I just wanted you to know. He... He really did live up to his name in the end.

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